Mean Mom Update

You all deserve an update.

I can say it in one sentence....

Mean Mom is still MEAN!

I took a brief hiatus from the blog because I had a "small" event to run.  It's called the Spring Fair and it's at Sweet Pea's elementary school. The same school that all of my children have attended.  My husband is my co-chair (I needed someone I could depend on), we work on it for months and it grosses over $30,000 in 3 hours - phew!  It has taken me a few days to recover.

So, while the Spring Fair is like a tornado in my life, add in an extra dose of Mean Mom and my brain got completely frazzled.

We met with the school after the initial complaint about Sweet Pea was filed and the school assured us that there was nothing to report.  Sweet Pea has never had any incident of any kind documented in her file in the 4 years she has been a student. They assured me that all was well and appeased the other mother accusing my daughter of being a bully by hearing her story and giving her assurance that all was well.

The next week brought another round of accusations.  Mean Mom recently complimented the teacher on a Lilly P sweater she was wearing and the teacher commented that the Bickies family had given her the sweater for Christmas.  Sure enough we did give the teacher a gorgeous cashmere sweater for Christmas and I was very clear in our gift that we paid $39 for it at the warehouse sale and nothing near the $300 retail.  Not for a second did we want to a) have any teacher think we were so extravagant or b) put on airs where none exist.

Mean Mom took that and started investigating the school district gifting policy because she was sure that we were "buying off" the teacher with expensive gifts in order to make her overlook Sweet Pea's "behavior".  A pure crock of molasses.

Last week was the last straw.  I received word from the rumor mill that Mean Mom was now circulating word that Sweet Pea's behavior was worsening and the teacher had promised her she would be calling us for a conference to address the worsening behavior.  I chose to head off the rumor and call the teacher to make ourselves available for a conference and assure her that we were fully invested.  The teacher responded immediately and assured me those words never left her mouth.  There was no behavior much less worsening behavior.  I spoke with she and the counselor and we have decided to play this out very carefully. 

I know that I can not discuss the issue with the Mean Mom directly because no matter which angle I come at it from, I will still continue to look like the bad guy.  The school is casually speaking to other parents to help put the rumors to rest. They are helping Sweet Pea rebuild her confidence and assuring me that all is well at school.

After the Spring Fair on Friday night we threw a Mexican Fiesta after party at our house for the chairs who have given so much in the past 4 months to make the Spring Fair happen. One of the moms was talking to Sweet Pea and she was talking about a special lunch she had with the teacher and guidance counselor.  Sweet Pea was sure to point out that she wasn't having lunch with them because she was in trouble.  It broke my heart to hear her have to explain herself.  I can only hope this experience, however frustrating has helped her understand the complexities of friendships and to know that, no matter what, her family will be right by her side loving her along the way.

As much as I adore Sweet Pea's 3rd grade teacher, I can't wait for this year to end!

Follow up to my letter to anyone who would listen

My letter last week was short and sweet to get your attention.  Forgive me for stating the obvious about complaining.  Today I hope to take a minute and explain myself a bit more.

Our society is being overtaken by righteous perfectionists who really think we care to listen to their complaints about anything and everything.  I am sure I have done my fair share of complaining but I vow to stop. I am going to find the good in most (I don't want to be a perfectionist and say "all").

As leaders, volunteer chairpeople, and PTO Presidents we need to shut the complainers down if they are just complaining to complain.  The complainers are driving the last wave of volunteers we have left to not want to volunteer any more because like me, they are thinking, why put myself out there to simply get grief.  I can stay home, put the time in to my paying job and my family, and be quite content.  Right?

Complaining is insidious.  Don't you love that word....I sure do!  Insidious means to proceed in a gradual, subtle way but with harmful effect.  If someone wants to complain then sign them up for the next volunteer opening and let them lead the way....for better or worse.  I truly believe most will find their appreciation for the services of others, even though different than how they might lead, and ultimately will complain less.

Thoughts?

Mudroom - before

I had a request to show photos of my mudroom before it was a mudroom.   I searched back about 7 years and found a few photos of before, during and after.

Our current family room was once a garage.  One of the previous owners turned the garage in to a family room and added a separate garage that was attached to the house by an open air breezeway.
Below are two separate views of the breezeway from Sweet Pea's 3rd birthday party....

 Looking towards the driveway....

Standing on the driveway side and looking through the breezeway to the deck beyond....

Starting to close it in.....looking towards the new driveway side....

Same view through the breezeway to the deck beyond again....

The new wall of custom cubbies....cabinets above, shelves, beadboard backing, and drawer below.  We purchased them in paint grade wood and painted them ourselves a deep army green.  They are always a mess but I can't imagine what we would do with our "stuff" without them!

Nearly 7 years later I added additional built ins to better use the space....this is the beginnings of a bar....

Standing in the family room and looking out to the mudroom - this is my desk built at bar height to allow for a view out the window.  The door to the right of the desk leads to the garage.  Shelves were built around the window....

Closer view...

Getting closer...

You get the idea of the bar....we still had to install the wine fridge....

Any questions about our mudroom?

Had to include a few cute pics I discovered from her 3rd birthday...

Who's Medusa in the background.... good thing the cuties are in the foreground....

On a lighter note....construction always makes me happy!

I love when these guys come to visit....my Amish friends are back to fix the overhang at my back door.  It was originally built 5 years ago when we closed in a breezeway to create the mudroom but before the major construction.  It was built without a gutter so every time it rained the water spilled right down on to the person walking in the door - not ideal.

I originally wanted to add a peaked portico supported by brackets but the lights and the combined width of the door and window made it seem too monstrous.  It was going to be much bigger than my drive-by inspiration photos...

  

This was my first choice....I really love this back entry...but soon I realized it just wasn't going to work because the brackets would not fit between the window/door trim and the lights.

So we took what we had and made it wider and a tad deeper.  As of this morning it now has a gutter that runs across the front and soon it will have brackets at the ends.  We are very happy with our Amish....they just talk it through and it's done!

They also fix flashing and caulking on your roof since they are up already up there....love that!

My letter to the school community and anyone who will listen

Dear School Community and anyone who will listen....

STOP COMPLAINING!

Have a super day...
Love,
Bickies

God's Grace Rain Down on Me....

I pray for God's grace to rain down on me.  I pray for His grace to pour over me.

Because....the mother of my daughter's classmate, the same woman who presented me with this list last year about this time, is spreading lies and rumors accusing my daughter of being a "vicious bully".

Only a very few of you know my daughter, but suffice it to say she can get her back up if she is forced but, she is not a bully.

A dear friend, who recently learned of her husband's infidelities, reminded me to act with dignity and grace.   She is right.

I went back to the post about "the list" and read the comments. I so appreciated your comments then and appreciate them again now.  I do think their family must be hurting and lost in a very complicated existence of lies and manipulations.  Today we are their target.  I hated that she took her hurt out on me.  And I really hate that they are taking their hurt out on my daughter.

I went back to January 2009 and read this post that I wrote after our first playdate with her twin daughters.  I remember the one looking me square in the eye and saying, "We want to play with Sweet Pea's toys but not Sweet Pea"  I was afraid to tell the mom about the craziness....I think that was a sign.

I just know in my heart that the girl who swims 100 laps over several hours for children with cancer....

And has a drive to collect party supplies to create 9 "birthday in a bags" to donate to a local charity...

And plays and loves orphans from Africa....

And spends MLK day cleaning the trash and debris off the streets of an inner city neighborhood with the children who live there....

just can't be a bully.  I also know it because they are accusing her of throwing her lunchbox on the table to save seats next to her friend of choice and she buys lunch 90% of the time.  Take that!

Ok....now back to dignity and grace.  I will be surprising my daughter at lunch tomorrow. I promise to remember "dignity and grace".

God Bless You

ps....I want to move to the South or Cincinnati

Wanderlust

I'm not sure that wanderlust is the correct word to use as it typically pertains to travel, but let's start there....
Do you ever feel the desire to move?

Move to a new house in the same town?
Move to a new house in another state?
Move to a new house in a dream town....like on the beach?

I get these itches to move every so often.  It usually has to do with trying to get away from someone or something that makes me feel uncomfortable.  My first thought it usually about moving to a big house in a "prime" neighborhood and a third grade, "Huh, I'll show you" in the back of my head.

Next I dream of moving south.  To a town full of nice people who are great entertainers, wear cute outfits and live in gorgeous houses.  Clearly I read blogs written by southern women who seem to have it all together.  Then I realize I would end up feeling unbelievably unworthy and inadequate there and it wouldn't help a thing.

Then I dream of moving to the beach...preferably a southern beach.  I imagine I wouldn't have a worry in the world because how can you worry when you live at the beach.  It's a "dream", remember?

I think I have a fight or flight response and I think it runs deep.  I fight it. I want to be satisfied. I want to love and enjoy the home we have lived in for 15 years and renovated only two years ago.  Our family was born here.  Our children love it here.  Granted, they don't know anything else but they do love it here.  They argue about which one of them will get to live here when we are done with it.

Growing up we moved every couple of years.  We sized up and then, as the youngest child and still living at home, we sized down.  I think my parents lived in 5 different homes in 25 years - that's a lot.  I have my favorite and I sure wish they stayed there.  My parents left one of their homes because they didn't like the people in the neighborhood.

I think I come by my "wanderlust" naturally.  What do you think?

The Fun Stuff

So sorry...I think Instagram, and my ability to post quickly and on the run, might be more my speed these days but I just can't give up this blog.  Too much history and sometimes I just need to put my thoughts down somewhere.

I'll start with the fun stuff - work and installations - before getting on to the ugly stuff like - adultery and divorce (not mine, thankfully).

I am enjoying work and am getting the chance to get more and more involved with client projects.  I love that our firm is an integrated architecture and interior design firm. I get the chance to see all facets of projects.  Yesterday I helped with an install for a home office. It's a surprise from a husband to his wife - sweet, right?

It was fun being super secret and quick.  I love the fabric covered desk that we had custom made - the perfect solution to lighten up the wood walls.  It was super challenging for our designers to plan out this room because of the owner's desire not to paint the wood paneling.  I just wanted to scream - paint it!  Highly inappropriate so I had to keep my mouth shut :)  We used a custom desk, chair from Wisteria for a desk chair, and a gorgeous rug that you can't see in this photo.  We know she will be thrilled and then might want to strangle her husband.  We had to do quite a bit of packing up and cleaning to ready the room for the new decor.

Many of the gorgeous designs we see on blogs, Pinterest and in magazines aren't typically real life.  It's been very interesting watching our designers work within very tight budgets and with a varying clientele.  It's not very rarely glamorous and typically very hard work for not a lot of money.  In other words, it's real life.

My employer and co-workers are nothing but nice, most of the time.  Whose perfect?  Some can be quirky but at the end of the day I am thrilled to be there to make their lives easier and support them in the office and when dealing with clients.

My work only wakes me up at night when I worry about how to manage work and my children during summer vacation.  I love our summers of swim team, low key time together and travel.  I don't want to hire a high schooler to take over for me this summer.  Not only does it not make fiscal sense but I just don't want to do it.  I shared my worry with my employer on our way to a client visit and she immediately suggested we hire an intern for the summer to take my place.  She said she is happy to have me 10 months of the year and if the summer doesn't work for me, she will hire someone else.  Really????  How can I be so lucky?

So all is well....I love my work and the mean girls and Mama drama can't bother me because I am too busy :)

I hope all is well with you and yours!  Here's to longer and warmer days!

Her Heart is in the Right Place

I have so much to say...just ask my family :) I just need to get back here on a regular basis. I toss about printing off my posts and then closing this thing down or getting a new look and keeping it going. I haven't completely decided but for today I have a story to tell and time to tell it.

I wrote a thank you to a woman from church today.  She is my Sweet Pea's Sunday School teacher and is quiet to my chatty, calm to my hurry and insightful to my checking it off the list.    

Sweet Pea's Brownie troop requires the girls to each pick a service project to complete during the year.  My daughter picked the "Birthday-in-a-Box" project. She has written a letter to close friends and family asking for donations of Birthday party supplies which she will package up so that a family will have all they need for a birthday celebration (cake mix, frosting, pan, party plates and napkins, etc) and donate it to a local organization serving the less fortunate in our area.  She picked this project because she wants children and families who otherwise couldn't afford birthday supplies to enjoy a birthday celebration, just like she does.

Last Sunday I talked with her Sunday School teacher about Sweet Pea's Birthday-in-a-Box project and she made me see so clearly what this project is for Sweet Pea.  I knew, but hadn't yet seen, that this project exemplifies the joy my daughter will feel in doing for and giving to others.   I knew it but I didn't see it and thanks to her insight I have seen it every step of the way and have this week used those thoughts to encourage Sweet Pea.   

As I braided her hair this morning I was a) so thankful that she still allows me to do her hair and b) able to talk about cookie sales and how it was conflicting with her service project.   I hate for her to ask too much of others and she completely understood. I asked her which project was more important and she didn't miss a beat and answered,

"The Birthday-in -a-Box project is more important because it is for others that are in need. GS cookies sales are just cookies and the money raised is for us to do activities which isn't as important".  

My heart was singing at that moment and I am so thankful to my daughter's Sunday School teacher for planting the seed in me that this project was going to show Sweet Pea that it is exciting to receive but even more exciting to receive and share that gift with others.

My husband's request...

Elfie getting in to trouble in the Hot Chocolate

My husband sat down with me as he saw my eyes roll back in to my head thinking about what has to be done to get ready for Christmas.  Our daughter was dancing around in the background giddy with excitement over the decorations coming out and the prospect of all the season holds.

I might have grumbled something about Christmas Shmistmas as I was sitting.

He said to me, "This year I want you to enjoy Christmas"

That simple statement was very powerful.  He wants me to enjoy every moment of this wonderfully joyous season rather than get overwhelmed by the fact that our trip put me weeks behind on everything that I usually have done by now. I was so focused on outfitting the 5 of us with wedding clothes and all weather gear for traveling that I haven't started shopping, I haven't sent my Christmas Cards, I don't know what I am taking to the Book club cookie exchange nor do I have a great present for the swap, we haven't decorated one thing, and I have a job this year!

Every time I get overwhelmed I think about what he said, I adjust my attitude, and jump right in. Seems to be working.

Since he said that on Saturday I have done some major internet shopping, we have decorated most of the house, my Christmas cards are in and we will get to them tonight, but I still don't have a great $25 gift for our book club gift exchange.

Ideas?

Phases

note....photos don't relate to post other than they are my children.  They have been inserted to keep your interest in a long and contemplative post :)

Funny how life has phases.  Some we move subtly and seamlessly between and others take deliberate and definite steps.

I feel like we are in the deliberate and definite phase at the moment making our way through more than one at a time....

9th grade football players don't appreciate their Mom taking photos

Phase one:
Our children this year are in 3 schools with 3 different start times.  My high schooler gets the bus at o'darkthirty....6:30.  My middle schooler leaves at 7:15 and my elementary schooler leaves at 8:30.  I don't function early in the morning so this schedule is torture.  Absolutely torture.  My thought this morning, I am going to be doing this early morning torture for years to come.  Any suggestions?

I will say that the upside to our morning schedule is that I get quality one on one time with each child. Even better, if possible to top quality time, they aren't fighting because there is no one with whom to fight as they are each going out the door separately.

Best icing piper e-ver

Phase two:
We installed a beverage fridge in our mudroom.  It has a lock.   At the moment we are keeping it locked to keep the soda safe.  I anticipate we will have much bigger worries in years to come.

flower girl preview

Phase three:
I used to need two school directories - one for home and one for my car.  I always kept a directory in my car for last minute playdates and calls to Moms.  With a high schooler, a middle schooler and an elementary schooler we aren't hosting as many playdates and the moms I most want to call are programmed in to my iphone.

trying out the outfit

Phase four:
I am going back to work.

After 11 years as a stay at home Mom I am returning to work.   I have been home 11 years to the month.  In October 2001 I resigned from my corporate career to stay home with my children.  My job was growing at the same time as my family and I knew just where I wanted to be. Home with my children was the place for me.

I always knew I would go back to work eventually but never knew when or where.   I also always said I wouldn't go back to a corporate career but would find something more creative.  I am so fortunate to have the choices I have thanks to my husband's dedication to our family.  So, this year seems like a good time and a great opportunity fell in to my lap, at the grocery store of all places.  I start tomorrow.

I will be working as a personal assistant to an architect who owns a small architecture and interior design firm.  I had the pleasure of working with them during our remodel project. They designed and drew plans for our family room built ins and helped source the inspiration fabric and some of the furniture we used in our Living Room.  They are down to earth and fun and I think I am going to love working there.  It's very part time at only 15 hours a week and seems to be just what I am looking for.  I can do office work anywhere but I might as well do it surrounded by a subject matter that fascinates me.  I am sure I will be a sponge for all that I will learn and look forward to helping them by freeing them of their office responsibilities.  In my interview I assured my prospective employer that I would not waste one penny of what I was paid and that, if she took a chance on me, I would make it worth her while.  They offered me the job before I left the interview.  I am hopeful for a long partnership.  Wish me luck...I start tomorrow.

flower girl preview close up

Remembering our Troops

I have a case of girl scout cookies in my mudroom pantry.   They represent both bitter and sweet.  Bitter because this girl scout co-leader conferred with the other leaders behind my back in March (post confrontation) and announced that I was responsible for buying them.  Sweet because they are cookies (obvious) and because I graciously assured her that her insistence that I buy the leftover inventory would be used for some sort of outreach.  I didn't know what at the time but I knew I would find something.

Well, it's time to move them on out of here and I have found just the right recipient. They are the lemon kind and my children assure me that if they were any other flavor they would be long gone.  I can always count on them :)

I was recently looking at the section in our church bulletin that lists the church members for whom we are praying.  One name listed is someone I have never met but have read his name 3 times - one for each deployment to Afghanistan.  His mother attends our church and she is someone I know of but don't know well.  I decided to see if he would like our cookies.  I had emailed for hours that day and something led me to pick up the phone and call her.

I called and was so happy I did.  Really, are we ever sorry we pick up the phone and call someone?  I asked if her son overseas would like our cookies. She said he, and his men, would be thrilled to receive a package.  She said that so many people called and sent packages for his first deployment.  Some called for his 2nd deployment and no one has called for his 3rd deployment.  I am glad to be the first.  She said they love magazines too so hubby is madly reading all of his back issues and we will include them as well along with a few home made cards and well wishes.

I love turning lemons in to lemonade :)

Party Invite

all images from Queen of Cashmere

I was invited recently to a new to me trunk show from Queen of Cashmere.  Their sweaters look gorgeous. Who doesn't love the monogram on the arm look?????

At $630 I'll be taking a pass.

Back To School Letter

 I read this at Mostly Happy Homemaker's last night and my heart was touched.  It was originally written by Glennon at Momastery.  Glennon has this amazing talent of being able to put in to words what I feel but could never say much less write.  I am in awe of the author's ability to explain the "feeling" of compassion and how it is the way God  speaks to us.  

I have printed this letter and will place it on the pillows of my 3 children to read when they go to bed tonight.  I hope it speaks to their heart as we begin this school year.  I hope it helps them understand the heart ache that is compassion.

Dear Chase,

Hey, baby.

Tomorrow is a big day. Third Grade – wow.

Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.

Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.

And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.

I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.

I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.

So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.

Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.

Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.

Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.

Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.

When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.

Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.

Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.

I love you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your gifts.

And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.

Love,

Mama

Pencil Skirt

via 

Sweet Pea started  3rd grade today.  Let's just pause for a moment to ponder how on earth she got this old??????  She is thrilled about her teacher this year.  The model above, from a recent j.crew ad, is the spitting image of her teacher except a tad more blonde.  Combine a little j.crew, a little Lilly with a dash of fluoro and some terrific jewels and that is her teacher in a nutshell.  Beyond all the superficial stuff, she is a sweet lady and terrific educator so rest assured the fluff is only the icing on the cake.

Sweet Pea's first day of school outfit was totally inspired by her teacher's style....crewcuts linen shorts, blue crewcuts ruffled cardigan and white top.  We even curled her hair, which turned limp and flat the minute we stepped in to this morning's "pea soup" humidity.

 I was at a school meeting tonight and when I got home my hubby said Sweet Pea asked if they make pencil skirts for girls.  It's going to be a long year of fashion :)

Can't leave the boys out of this post.....the Dog left at 6:00 A.M. for high school. How can he be in 9th grade and at high school?  The day apparently went well and he didn't get lost once.  All good news!

Buddy left an hour later for his 2nd year in middle school....goodness gracious.  3 children, 3 schools and 3 bus pick ups starting at 6!!

The lunches are packed and I am hoping that day 2 goes as smoothly as day 1.  And in case you are wondering, crewcuts does not make pencil skirts for girls :)